My Day Dream (Hanya Belajar Untuk Ikhlas)

You know, very few people have a lucky to live by their dream.

My dream is becoming an Architect.  But destiny led me to pharmacy. Into my scrapbook i do mapping my future as what someone told me. And in 2011 i wrote ‘entering Architecture-Universitas Hasanuddin’. Shorter (almost) i did .

After i had attended university entrance exams, June 26th 2011 i knew that i accepted. What a perfect day! I shouted. But i actually would not know what will happen. Student in state university is not allow to have more than one study course. It meant impossible to take Architect while i am in pharmacy. So after i had spoken up with my parents i stopped to dream about that.

Fasting holiday was finally arrived. I was searching (still) about Architect and i found a Universitas 45 Makassar official site that presented some of study programs.

Hm, you know what next, right? I went to that university and found out when the exam starting. I attained some obstacles by entering that university, like did not let my parents know what i did, going back and forth from my real campus to my future campus, earning money just by paying the form, skipping my lectures, and so on. Than August 24th 2011, I passed that exam again. “Oh my God, I know that my destiny.” I was cheerful again. Knowing Univ.45 Mks had an executive study program special for busy students really made me happy. It meant i would not skip my lectures in Unhas anymore. I just needed go to Univ.45 Mks at Saturday and Sunday. Uwwaaah, it’s perfect!

June 25th, 2011, full of happiness in my heart i went to Univ.45 Mks to re-registration as a new student. First of all was easy. Just had consigned my sign examines and the employee gave me a file folder contains credit papers, etc. He recommended me to go to my future faculty for consultation. With pleasure i did. And than i knew that reality. I would not be able to entering this course because they do not have executive study program for Architecture. It was bitter. Hard to believe that.

I can not entering that course with choosing executive study program. Meaning i will be a regular student with regular lecture schedule at Monday to Friday. I can’t. How about in Pharmacy which has full schedules each period. No, My High School, my parents, they will be disappointed. I can’t let it go. Or I can still choose executive study program, but it is not as Architecture anymore. Only civil engineering which has that program there. Architecture-Univ.45 had ever been doing that program and maybe it will be if there are at least 8 student in class who interested in. To the consultant, i told her, “please, give me your number phone and at September 8th, 2011 i will call you to know are there 8 student who interested in.” She gave me. I did not know what i thaught that time. I just hope there would be a miracle at September 8th, 2011 than.

So, i went to my house with a full of wounds in my heart that day. “Should i choose civil than?” *glek. Well, my mind was not only thinking about this. I realized that entering a university needs money. A lot. And i could not ask it to my parents. I knew they were not able for paying. The condition had brought pressure to bear on earning money before September 10th 2011, deadline re-registration. I did anything (that halal, of course).

September 8th, 2011. I called her, the consultant. But, her phone was mailbox. I texted her. She did not replied. I supposed she could not tell me the truth. It was not a fairytale story with miracles each part. I did not have any choice. It was pathetic that time. Always first i will be cheerful and suddenly got depressed. Why it’s really hard to get what i want in my life. I just want to learn about Architect. Every day after have been finishing my pharmacy tasks i would read some articles in internet about Architecture, making some designs of building, etc. When my friends concentrated with their dream in pharmacy, spending their youth with happiness, i was trying to earn some money, selling, doing part jobs, just for continuing my study in pharmacy and (hopely) architecture. *sigh i was in top of hopeless.

I aware that i kept this secret to my parents. And i know that was not right. Than at  September 9th, with a little joke i pried up about my desire to study Architecture in university to my Mom. She rejected. I had been known. I walked out and my Dad said, “Your Mom said that you passed the exam in Univ.45.” Surprising! How could she know? Shorter, my Parents accepted me to enter Univ.45. They know how great is my love of architecture. They did not mind if their money is applied for my desire. They just told me that studying as you want in Architecture but please.. being concentrate in pharmacy. Alhamdulillah.. It gotten of cherry.. At Sept 10th i went to Univ.45 for re-registration but, i realized the bank is closed at Saturday. Re-registration is extended until 14th Sept.

Tonight, Sept 11th, I dunno know where the confidence appear, i decide to cancelling.. very comforting know that my parents always supporting me behind. But i know, they really need the money that they gave me. (Only here, I want to say) What a stupid parents who do everything for their child. I love them. Their sincerity have awaken me how people be able to let their dream go for other people happiness. What a stupid parents… stupid way to teach me what sincerity means..

Well, I hope this is the last stupid decision in my life. God, maybe the stupid one is me, wasting chance in front of the eye! Stupid!! Yup, I have to believe my best friend that we can study anywhere, anytime, and anyways.. Maybe now, it’s just a dream, but one day we can reach it. I have to believe it, right! Maybe i am not the one who can live by my dream. But, it is not bad to live by others dream. Let see what will happen in the future.

For now on, just say AJA AJA !! HWAITING ASMA !!!!


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